The Self Portrait & the Challenge to Define Oneself
What is a ‘self-portrait'?
A portrait of oneself done by oneself.
And what is a ‘portrait’?
The word comes from traho in Latin, to protraho, also in Latin, meaning to “bring to light, discover, disclose, reveal, expose”.
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The other night I found myself in the REM phase of sleep, eyes moving, battling to unwind after another day. Submerged in my very own dreams, I battled to see myself within them. My physical form, in movement, was incredibly blurry, a mere outline, something similar to a ghost in a world that I was otherwise real and certain of.
Self-portrait (1954) - Alberto Giacometti
I woke up and saw my photograph, reassuring myself that I knew who I was (I know how I look). A sigh of relief. A distraction from the fact that I will be able to look at myself the way others do, physically speaking.
What would I do without my camera roll to remind me who I’ve been and who I am? Definitely one of my most prized possessions, with portraits of myself from every possible angle, in hopes of connecting the pieces into a complete and life-size image of my being. Perhaps as important as all the things I’ve ever written. Why? Aren’t the confessions made in writing and the thoughts consciously calligraphed more meaningful sources of self-knowledge? Isn’t it mind over matter? If so, why are we so reliant on images to convey truth? Specifically, our truth.
After my failure to envision myself in my imagination, it struck me that I am in fact not able to see myself. It’s obvious, I know. But with modern-day solutions and technology, we are almost capable of forgetting about this fact. Our reflection hangs in the bathroom mirror upon waking up. Our image follows us around the city as we reflect in the windows of every street. And in our hands, sits a mobile phone that offers a glimpse of ourselves every time we feel unsure. However, a certain impotence always remains, the frustration of not being able to step out from our bodies and take a look ourselves.
I was so certain of who I was that I forgot that it was impossible for me to know.
Why do I want to know!? Why do you want to know if we are more than our outsides? I guess because we are humans, born in the realm of contingency where things keep the “more” to themselves. Our bodies are the vessels that birth us into physical existence, into contingency. But even so, they keep secrets from us. Isn’t it ironic?
Even as we age and become acquainted with the underlying “more” and metaphysical thinking, we do not cease to experience the world through its physical form. However, there are questions that become increasingly difficult to answer…
Self-portrait (1912) - Giorgio de Chirico
What would you portray if somebody asked you to portray yourself? In other words, to attempt the art of self-portraiture.
As a child, I would have drawn a little girl, with brown hair, and a purple dress. Three simple elements, that somehow were enough to represent myself. That’s who I was: a daughter; a child; a little human.
Nowadays, it would be a puzzling task. The first question to answer is: who am I? Second, what am I? Am I my image, my physical form, or am I purely abstract? Is it my choice, or is it in my power to control my portrayal? To what extent will it be true, this portrait, if I’ve never seen myself freed from the constriction of my own eyes? If I am to attempt it, will an image ever be sufficient to ‘protaho’, aka to reveal what is concealed inside?
How have humans used the self-portrait as an attempt to express who we were, who we are, and who we wish we were?
Portrait of a Man (1443) - Jan van Eyck
The first known self-portrait was painted in 1443 by Jan van Eyck, titled “Portrait of a Man”. At the time, technological advances such as quality mirrors and camera obscuras, allowed artists to explore their own likeness. By becoming an observer of oneself, the artist becomes a subject and therefore, also part of a canon.
In addition to the showcased artistic skill, the boldness of the self-portrait comes from the exploration of the artist’s inner world, their convictions, and the materialisation of their personal truth.
Self Portrait (1896) - Pablo Picasso
Last week, in Barcelona, my friends and I went to the Picasso museum. One of the first artworks I saw was Picasso's ‘Self-Portrait - 1896’. At the time of his portrayal, Picasso was 15 years old and looked like a young boy. The painting was naturalistic and graceful, one of the first I had seen of his career’s early stages.
One of my friends asked whether this painting had been done before he went crazy. But, to my understanding, Picasso had never quite entered a period of “craziness”, but rather one of experimentation, discovery, and abstractism. In his art, it’s easy to observe a stylistic and ideological evolution, starting from his most realistic style to his blue period, all the way to cubism.
Seeing the friction and contrast between his paintings, I felt like I was praising completely different artists that were, nonetheless, one, perhaps one too many. I wondered to what extent his search for truth in life and art had impacted the way he viewed, perceived, and recognised himself? Whether deep down he still identified with the past versions he had been and portrayed?
Self-Portrait Facing Death (1972) - Pablo Picasso