The Loneliness Epidemic

The 21st century is characterized by innovation and dynamism, but it is also a century of profound loneliness. Starting from the First Industrial Revolution, mass loneliness and social atomization have spiraled, provoking some of the most dreadful historical events leading up to today. While the digital age has created a multitude of new tools and paths to build social relations, it has paradoxically ended up alienating us, as we sit behind our screens afraid to experience real connection.

We have phone calls, video calls, all sorts of messengers and social media platforms available for us to interact more with one another. So, why is it that despite being part of the largest global population in history, constantly surrounded by millions of individuals in both physical and digital realms, we feel an overwhelming sense of emptiness?

A significant factor contributing to this loneliness stems from our misplaced priorities and an emphasis on the wrong things. At a global level, we rarely function as a community. Instead, over centuries, we have constructed a hierarchical society centered around competition, where individuals are categorized based on status, appearance, nationality, and other superficial attributes.

W. Eugene Smith, Private moment in the HQ of Connecticut General Life Insurance in Hartford, 1957

We rarely group ourselves by our values and our sense of belonging does not come from a similar outlook on the world. We strive so hard to be unique and prove our individuality that we almost end up rejecting the world around us, seeing everybody else as competition. Our faith and beliefs have become distorted; with money, status and sex being at the epicenter of it all.

Even though the loneliness epidemic began its course decades ago, its acuteness has become extremely evident in recent years through covid. After spending almost two years with practically no social interaction, it’s as if we have introduced social anxiety as a collective concept. The pre-existing sense of competition and division had already created a certain amount of hostility between people, but after the pandemic, it’s as if we have become wild animals afraid of every little thing. With the ongoing distance between individuals (rather ironic that social distancing ended up having two divergent connotations) we are left with very little room for bonding and reconnection.

Luigi Ghirri, Orbetello, From the series Kodachrome, 1974

So, what is it that we need to feel less lonely? This is the main concept to be established. Is it a sense of community and belonging? Is it authentic and deep relationships or perhaps a sense of support and companionship? Is it love? To me, all these things have one thing in common - they all require intimacy.

Our society as a whole is eroding from its core due to a deep lack of intimacy. According to the Merriam - Webster dictionary, intimacy is defined as “familiarity or something of a personal or private nature”. This definition couldn’t be vaguer if it tried, so it’s no wonder that our society and its individuals don’t understand it either.

Returning to our distorted values we encounter the fact that as individuals we don’t really know ourselves very well. Mass society often dictates our actions and thoughts while the rapid pace of modern life leaves scant time to step back and experience a moment of self-reflection. We are out of tune with what we truly want and often lack personal boundaries. Our self-esteem is largely based on external factors breeding materialism as we have lost the ability to evaluate and define what truly matters to us. In our endless pursuit of partnerships, love, and, ultimately, intimacy, we end up chasing an idealized image or illusion, perpetuated by biology, literature, and film.

Harry Gruyaert, County Kerry, Irlande, 1988

Intimacy must be defined individually, as its meaning varies significantly from person to person. For instance, to me, intimacy encompasses a  sense of mutual understanding, acceptance, support and most importantly a safe space. For someone else, it could mean having a stronger sense of support or possessing more romantic elements. By establishing this definition it becomes easier to look for these qualities in the relationships that we form and so, rather than aimlessly searching for people to attach ourselves to, making truly meaningful connections which will in turn fill the loneliness and give rise to a sense of belonging.

This idea of undefined intimacy can be vividly illustrated by looking at the 21st century’s dating scene and hookup culture. The misconception of sex in our society is a whole other article on its own but I think a prominent portion of this issue is once again rooted in our misunderstanding of intimacy. People crave intimacy so badly but without a clear understanding of what it means for them, they mistake it for physical gratification. The two are entirely different concepts and I’d say about 90% of hookups that happen in this day and age occur because of this misunderstanding.

This is especially evident in men as societal expectations of toughness clash with the vulnerability required to seek emotional closeness. I guarantee that no amount of empty sex between two people (who mean nothing to each other) will fill that hollow void called loneliness we try so hard to fill. Sometimes a simple conversation where one feels heard and understood can be have more benefits and nurture a deeper connection than sex; and if physicality is what someone needs then cuddling or just being held creates a warmer environment where one feels safe, loved, and accepted.

Ultimately, as a society and as individuals, we must redirect our focus from materialism to relationships. Only by placing an emphasis on defining intimacy for ourselves can we slowly start working on bridging the gap dividing us. Cultivating self-awareness, accepting people for who they are and allowing them their freedom of choice would in turn liberate us and in time would hopefully remove the need for hostility or alienation. Call it wishful thinking or naivety, but each individual’s uniqueness should be relished, as society can benefit from every single one of us. Rather than pushing each other away, it would be interesting to see how our society would change as a whole were we to start building towards a creation of societal intimacy. At the end of the day, we all just need a fucking hug.