Taking Care of Your Mental Health And Fighting Loneliness During Self Isolation
I’ll preface this article by saying that I realize that this is probably not the first article you’ve read on this topic, but bear with me and I hope you’ll find something for yourself.
My journey with mental health began four years ago, when I moved to Milan and I started getting weekly panic attacks. It became clear to me that the issue would not go away on its own, and therefore I began therapy and started working towards different mechanisms to deal with whatever comes my way.
The first thing that I have to say, which for a person experiencing high anxiety and wanting to feel better quickly is bad news, is that that unfortunately, it takes a little time and discipline to really profoundly experience mental relief from the activities I will tell you about here. Even though in the moment it may seem like it’s all going slow, don’t worry — keep going, try different things, and make sure you give them time to really have a lasting impact on you. Having said that, there are things you can do every day to make you feel better instantly. My advice? Savor them and try to engage in them fully with your body and mind; that is what really makes a difference.
A while ago I read “Sapiens” by Yuval Noah Harari and came across something that shocked me. He described a theory that people were biochemically wired to feel different levels of happiness. I am still doing my homework on the topic with some supplementary readings, but the basic idea is that some people will achieve a “level 8” in life at their highest moments and some of us at their hight of happiness will stop at “level 6”. Admittedly, this could be a discussion in itself, considering the definition of personal happiness and subjective emotional states. What I wanted to achieve through brining up this theory is that it proves something widely known - that everyone is different in their own perception of happiness and ways of achieving it. This is probably the most important thing that you need to keep in mind while continuing with the activities. Find something that works for yourself by trying many different things and determining what feels right, even if it’s not the popular trend. Don’t push yourself to do things that don’t feel good, even if your favorite insta model swears by them. Although we’ve found ourselves in the same tragic situation, we might still benefit from using different ways to deal with it.
Apart from my experience with therapy and self-exploration, while in quarantine I began an online course by Yale on The Science of Well - Being. I would strongly recommend it to anyone who wants to intentionally and mindfully change something about their happiness. If you take the course seriously and keep up with the small exercises and the happiness measurement tests, you can really benefit from the power of “rewiring” your system. One of the things I would definitely suggest (even independently from the course) is taking a Signature Strength Test. It helps you work on everyday activities while having in mind what your personality’s strengths are, which can be a powerful tool in understanding how you process and respond to certain things. One of the best things that the lectures stated was that “Merely knowing is not enough to change really something about your behavior”. So to everyone who’s read about fifteen books on self-improvement (me), but didn’t manage to find inner-peace in the information they provided, it’s time to get your hands dirty and try things on your own.
The first thing to do in this peculiar time is to validate the way you’re feeling. Remember, this is a strange time for everybody, the whole world is going through something completely new, so it’s natural to feel anxious, stressed, claustrophobic, or however differently you’re feeling. Even though it might be going well some days, it might still feel awful on others, and that is alright. I like to take a moment each morning to identify how I’m feeling and depending on the levels of sadness or motivation alter my daily activities. I would also recommend checking in with yourself during the day; if the responsibilities of today become too much, remember to respond to yourself with compassion and kindness.
Something especially important to people who were used to frequent travel (again, me) and are now stuck with their family or significant other for extended periods of time is to encourage patience, get creative and focus on promoting the good things about relationships in your life. Similarly for people who are staying on their own and can experience a growing feeling of loneliness; be physically, but not emotionally alone. Make effort in intentionally reaching out, build it into your day to have real-time connections, and more importantly embrace them a lot more. This time is also for refocusing and reevaluating the priorities in your life, even though everyone around you is shouting “I’M SO PRODUCTIVE IN QUARANTINE!” and it might get annoying, it is your chance to sit down and focus on what is important to you and your well-being, take advantage of that!
As I said, some people are dealing better with structure, some need more time to rest and relax, and even though I think we all need a bit of both, we can approach it in different quantities. I myself feel better when I have some milestones which I have to hit during the day, smaller things which I can accomplish to feel that I can still be productive and to encourage motivation. We often think we need to be productive to feel good about ourselves, but the scientific truth is that focus on your mental health can actually stimulate productivity, so try switching the arrow and start from your well-being.
Here are some main points I swear by:
1. Sleep
I can’t stress enough how much of a difference it makes, and I highly recommend prioritizing it. Harness the power of ritual before you go to sleep, think of something that will make you feel calm before you lay down, especially if you’re having anxiety about everything that is going on during the day. Try to sleep far away from all your devices and here comes the thing no one likes — put your screens down some time before you go to sleep. The blue light in the screen tricks your body into not emitting melatonin and the news of the day along with Instagram can make you twice as anxious. A good solution is to substitute it with another habit, drink some tea, talk to your family, read a book.
2. Meditation
It can be difficult in the beginning, but like I said earlier, stick with it and it will bring results. It’s easier to start with an app, my personal favorite is Headspace, but also try out Ten Percent Happier Mediation, Balance: Meditation, Insight Timer or Calm. They are all awarded and highly rated, so perhaps one of them will work for you. Three minutes to start is enough.
3. Gratitude and Savoring
I realize it’s easier said than done but try to focus on what is good in your life, what you can change in your current situation, what you can feel great about that is small, like a meal or a song or a book. Find the power in appreciating the little things and exercise mindfulness in everything that you are doing. An app I would recommend is ReWi. It technically works best with the Yale course, but can be a quick way for you to journal in your daily gratitude.
4. Exercise
It biologically makes you feel better, there’s no argument here. Try different kinds, so it doesn’t get boring, if you’re feeling not up to it, take out your mat and stretch for 5 minutes, then tomorrow stretch for 7, try yoga or some of the exercise sets in the apps I mentioned. I benefit from signing up to an exercise plan from Nike+Training, as it keeps me disciplined and I don’t have to make any decisions about the types of workouts I do every day.
5. Learn something new or read a book
Try learning something truly for yourself, not for university, not for work, something that really seems interesting to YOU. There is a plethora of online courses and podcasts that you can try and my advice is to start with something that made you stop and think “that would be so cool if I had the time” because, well, now you have it!
6. Food
Cooking can be a fun activity to spark up creativity, and it’s always good to make sure you’re eating right, especially during a time like this. Try to use what you have in your fridge and feed yourself and/or your loved ones!
7. Quick fix
If you want something quick and you feel like you’re spiraling, take three conscious deep breaths with your “belly”, it’s a quick way to trick your sympathetic nervous system into calming down.
When it comes to work and school, I realize there is a fair amount of stress accompanying the future, but try to focus on what you can improve now, try to prepare your best for the moment when life starts going back to normal. Use the negative things as blessings and a way to reassess what you really want out of university and work, do research, and become more aware of your decisions and moves for the future.
There is a lot more to say, but the overall conclusion is to use this time to form new habits, start from the little things, and work your way up to bigger things. It is a type of a fresh start and it’s probably the only mandatory self-reflection time you will ever get. Be patient and compassionate with yourself and others and do things that feel good, but remember to also do things that will be beneficial for you in the long term.
