Conversation Ai Tempi Di Corona: Beyond The Mask
Illustration by Rokas Aleliunas
A little window facing outside is more than enough to make me stare at the outdoors for hours.
I like to imagine people’s journeys. Where are they heading to? Sometimes they seem solely happy. Even with a mask, they bear delight on their silhouette. I wonder why, maybe they are meeting friends, or maybe lovers. But these days, joyful beings appear less often under my window.
I also inspect their shoes. Where have they traveled? I notice every detail and create my own scenarios– a newfound world around me. Everything is analyzed, decrypted, overthought.
Sometimes, I imagine myself as one of the characters behind the window too. When I stare at the little window, I see my reflection. I try to analyze myself. I wonder: what do I look like? How do they understand me? How clean are my shoes?
And the little window gives me no answer. Neither does the mirror.
Probably because nothing tangible ever happens after countless hours of simply looking outside. In this simple act of looking, information disappears into the air, mere memories of useless details.
The window is a traitor.
We think of ourselves as different from the others. We believe we are perfectly qualified to assess them thoroughly, without being seen. The window creates distance yet also makes us feel closer to the crowd, because for once, we are allowed to fix our gaze on more than people’s feet without shame. We are not obliged to look away, no more sidelong glances.
But in the end, we all admit that we know nothing about them. If we wanted to do so, we would have to rush to the door, and yell: Why do you seem happy? Where do you travel from? Where are you going? Your shoes are dirty.
Illustration by Rokas Aleliunas
This little window that protects me from being seen, allows me to stare at everything, bringing up my curiosity. Now, I carry it every day on my face. The pandemic made me do so.
This mask that I so much hated, puts a distance between me and the rest, yet it also brings me closer to them.
Have you noticed it too? All of those eye contacts? The surprise when someone takes off their mask for a second?
Somehow, curiosity rebirths.
We catch other people’s eyes, without looking away, wondering what they think.
We are more sensitive to unsettling gaze, never so sure of what they mean. In this game of hide-and-seek, we try to decrypt those insistent stares and eyes, which are now the only vectors of emotion on our faces.
The anxiety of our current environment brings mistrust into play. We all stare stonily at each other, as if the first one that blinks, will lose.
We commonly say that eyes are the window of the soul.
Wearing masks makes me slightly doubt it.
As when looking through a window, masks reduce our interactions to others, they limit us to fixed gazes. The only way to surpass this feeling is to go beyond appearances, beyond eyes.
Not that you have to take off your mask, but in a figurative sense, reach out to people more than ever with curiosity and words. We need to allow ourselves to strike up conversations freely, directly and randomly.
Illustration by Rokas Aleliunas